WARNING: Some of this post maybe graphic, but I must say what all I saw.

I'm sitting here at 10:43 in the morning typing this, and I still don't feel like it's real. Everything inside still feel's oddly normal. That isn't right. That shouldn't be. I should be torn-up. But I'm numb. Is it the shock? Most likely. Could it be denile? Probably. I can't get my version of it to stop playing in my head. I can hear the sound's of the metal of the passenger side of the car sliding against the highway. Twig's, and branches snapping. I can hear the sound of gas pouring out of the busted gas tank. I can almost feel the coldness of the early morning air. I can almost hear the dead silence of the wood's. How can that be, since I wasn't even there?

We got a call yesterday morning from Gram'ma. Uncle Roy bought some stuff at the auction Friday night. Aunt Bonnie came up to spend the weekend with Gram'ma. Dennis (Aunt Bonnie's husband) came up later Friday night, and went to the auction with them. Saturday morning around 7, Uncle Roy and Dennis got to Uncle Roy's house in Cherokee Village, Arkansas. To drop off the stuff that Uncle Roy bought at the auction. As soon as Uncle Roy, and Dennis pulled into the driveway at Uncle Roy's. A state trooper pulled up behind them. He gave Uncle Roy a number to call. So, he did. Aunt Bernice (Uncle Roy's ex-wife, but she'll always be his WIFE to me.) and her boyfriend were in a car wreck around 2:00 a.m. Saturday morning. Both killed on impact. Gram'ma, Uncle Ricky, Bonnie, Dad, Mom, and I left and got to Uncle Roy's around 11:30 yesterday morning. Uncle Roy was as to be expected. Even seeing him cry, and almost physically hurt from her dying, I still felt nothing. Slowly, people started coming in. Phone's were ringing off the hook. Around 4 yesterday afternoon, we finally got a call and was told where the wreck happened, and where they took her blazer. Uncle Roy wanted to go see where it happened. So, Uncle Ricky, dad, mom, Uncle Roy, and I went. We first went to the crash site. I'm still stunned, and amazed at what we saw. There were tire mark's from where they got off the road, to where the car stopped. It had to have been a good 500 to 800 feet long. If not longer. They were coming around a curve. At the creast of the hill, they got off the road. Road the side of the deep, ditch for a way's. Got some of the car back on the road. Went off in the ditch again, the car flipped on the passenger side, skidded across another side road highway. Took out a street sign. Went airborn, and finally hit the ground, at the bottom of the embankment. Mind you, this embankment is about 7 ot 9 feet deep, and about 25 feet wide. And then there's another drop down, to a dried up creek bottom. It's covered in leaves, and stuff, though. Anyway. There were car part's everywhere. Bumper, an entire blinker, reverce, and reflector light still in tact, computer (from inside her blazer), battery, and alot of other things. We started sifting through what was left. And then my dad said "Roy, you might not want to come down here." The car took out one and half tree's. And on the tree, was blood. A lot of it. That is where Bernice was laying. And on a tree, where the driver side had been, was blood. That's where Kevin (Aunt Berince's boyfriend) had been pinned to the tree. Uncle Ricky found her shoe's right where the blood on the tree was. So, obviously they came off when she landed there, or they fell off when they loaded her up. You could see where the passenger side skidded across the side-road highway. Uncle Roy found two of her shirts, that had been in her car. I found her Blake Shelton -The Dreamer cd. Piece's of possession's that she had, is all that we really have left. She was thrown out of the car. Kevin was pinned half way out of the car, against the tree. There was a beauty ring up in a tree about 25 feet from where the car came to a stop, and it was about 30 to 35 feet up in the tree. There were limbs broke out of the tree's, where the car had hit them. Atleast 30 feet in the tree's.

We went to Lynn's (junk yard) after that to see Aunt Bernice's car. Uncle Roy saw it before we did, as we were walking up. We came around the corner, and I stopped dead in my tracks. This can't be a car. No, this can't be her's. I thought to myself. It looked like something that you would only see in the movie's. The grill was bent, and pushed up, and back. Almost higher than the windsheild. The front in was smashed plum to the dash. The back axle was snapped in half. The bottom of the front tires we bent inward. The right back wheeler wasn't even underneath the car, anymore. As I walked around the driver's side, I saw blood soaked into the windshield where Kevin has laid. And then I looked inside. Shocked doesn't begin to describe how I felt. The door post, where the dash come's to the passenger door, was bent, and pushed till it was right beside the steering wheel. The glove compartment, was even right beside the steering wheel. The passenger seat, where Aunt Bernice was sitting, was pushed, and turned almost on top of the driver seat. There was no back glass no longer. You could see where the side of the car, hit the tree. It was bent into a U shape. Shockingly enough, there was hardly any blood in the car.

Aunt Bernice has pretty much shattered everywhere. Her neck, from her elbow to her wrist, her ribs, everything. Is broke. The guy at the funeral home said her head had so much damage that he couldn't get emboming fluid in her head. They had to pack her head in ice when they came to take her to Bentonville.

I never imagined that you could make a car look like that. Seeing the crash site, and her car will forever haunt me. Like I said in the beginning of this post, I can litterly hear the wreck happening. It's like a movie playing in my head. The fact of the matter is, we will never know why he was driving so fast. They said that he had to have that blazer maxed out, as far as the speed goes. So, imagine hitting an embankment, street sign, skidding on your side, going airborn in the air about 40 feet, taking out tree's, and finally coming to a hard fall at the bottom of a 9 foot deep ditch at a speed around 98 miles an hour. It's almost enough to make you stop riding in car's, period! On the ride home this morning. We left Uncle Roy's at 1 this morning. (It's about an hour and a half from Roy's to our house.) We have to go through curvey, hilly roads. Exactly like what Aunt Bernice was on yesterday morning. And I got to thinking. You know, that could have happened to any of us. All it take's is to get your mind off-on something else, lose track of what your doing, and you can litterly die. It's scary, but you take that risk everytime you get in a car.

I know Aunt Bernice had problems. She drank, and probably did drugs. But I'll always remember her as the woman who was funny, loving, and loved to talk your leg off. And I'll always remember what she said one time when I was little, "You and I are special. Because unlike everyone else, we share a birthday on the same day. And can't think of anyone else I'd want to share my birthday with than you."

It's all really hard of course on Uncle Roy, but he just lost Daniel about 2 or 3 year's ago. And Michael (around 26 year's old) and Charity (around 25 year's old) (Uncle Roy, and Aunt Bernices other two kids) really shocked me last night. Michael straight out told me, "I'm numb. It's not real to me. It won't be real, until I see her. Just like it was with Daniel." And poor o'l Charity broke my heart last night. She was asking my mom question's about the car, and what the funeral guy said about Bernice. And she looked up at my mom, and asked "So, it's all true? It's all really happening. I'm not dreaming?" My mom said "No, honey. Your not dreaming. It's all true." Charity looked back-up at my mom and asked "So, my mama is really dead. She's really gone?" My mom said "Yeah, sweetie. She's really gone." Charity just sat there, and said "My mama's really gone. My mama's really gone."

We aren't going to the funeral, because Bentonville is about 7 hour's away from here. We would have to drive to Bentonville, go to the funeral, and drive back. That would be like driving to my Aunt Mary's house in Alabama.



Sorry for being so yucky, and all. But y'all don't realize how much better I feel typing all that out. I love you guys! :-)